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Is there such as thing as wholesome
families? If so, what does one look like and what advice would you give to
parents looking to develop a wholesome family?
While the dictionary definition of
wholesome includes “tending to promote health” and “free from danger or risk”,
when applied to families today, it seems to be an outdated term. Perhaps as
interesting as the replies were, is that fact that only 36 replies were received
at all. The replies ranged anywhere from “I'm not sure we want to go there” to
suggestions of other descriptive terms such as “effective” or “strong” or
“resilient”, to lengthy descriptions of what a wholesome family looks like and
what parents can do to promote wholesomeness.
At heart, families with wholesome
attributes were considered those where the parent or parents or guardians strive
to instill values, trust, security, morals and open communication. Several of
the replies included a spiritual component such as maintaining a clear religious
or spiritual affiliation with active practice.
Often when we think of “wholesome”
families, we are transported to the TV shows of the 1950’s that were exemplified
by families like the Cleavers or parents like Ozzie and Harriet. As such,
several of the respondents in this survey were quick to point out that whatever
is considered a wholesome family, it first must include the variety of families
seen in present day life including single parents, same sex parents or alternate
guardians and caregivers such as grandparents or foster parents.
Given then that wholesome families do
exist and still is considered of value in our modern day society, the next issue
becomes one of how parents (of any kind) can develop and reinforce the
attributes of the wholesome family. To this end, the following tips are
suggested:
1. Have
as many meals together a week as possible with all family members present and at
least once per day.
2. Maintain
a religious or spiritual affiliation and participate with appropriate practice.
3. Provide
the necessities of life to your children from nurturance, to nutrition, to
appropriate shelter, to education.
4. Use
appropriate discipline techniques, particularly those that do not include
hitting or belittling, but rather discussion, restitution, or loss of
privileges.
5.
Be an appropriate role model in your adult intimate relationships.
6. Participate
as a family in volunteer or charitable activities.
Do you really think the concept of
wholesome families is outdated? Perhaps it is time to return to this basic
concept and instill a sense of decency and caring to some forgotten.
Gary Direnfeld is a social
worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert on child development,
parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access
recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique
on a Section 112 (social work) report.
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