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I'll never forget when my son, Patrick, then a
darling two-year-old with angelic curls and adorable blue eyes, began saying,
"Damn it, Mommy!" with both feeling and enunciation. How could I teach a toddler
who was just learning to talk that some words are better left unsaid?
Preschoolers have an uncanny ability to pick
up words—all words—that they hear. In my case, I must admit, Patrick probably
heard it from his parents. And what kids pick up on TV, on the playground, in
the store, or at child care is bound to stick. Eventually, your angel is going
to utter something downright demonic, no matter how much you try to shield him.
Your little one's first cussing episode may
seem funny at first, but don't laugh. "Swearing can get them into big trouble
when they go to school. It's better to teach them now so they don't have to
suffer the consequences later," advises Kathy Burklow, a psychologist at the
Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center.
Curbing a Cusser
While there are many ways parents can help
children avoid bad language, there is no substitute for avoiding it yourself.
James O'Connor, the author of Cuss Control (Three Rivers Press), suggests
trying alternative exclamations like shoot, blast it, nuts,
phooey, for crying out loud, and dagnabit. Silly
terms—malarkey, balderdash, hogwash—will get your kids to laugh, making them
more likely to want to imitate them.
Most children under three won't comprehend
that certain words are unacceptable. Often, ignoring the offense may be the best
defense when dealing with the very young. But after their third birthday,
they're more likely to understand that some words are naughty. So take action.
"Get down on your knees, look your child directly in the eye, and tell him,
'That's a word that we don't use in our family,'" recommends Linda Metcalf, the
author of Parenting Toward Solutions (Prentice Hall). "Make the words—not
the child—the culprit to give him a chance to move away from the behavior."
If your child persists in using such language,
show him you mean business with disciplinary action. For a four-year-old, that
may mean calling a short time-out or taking away a favorite toy. Kids a little
older may benefit from time spent in their rooms.
Fortunately, Patrick's transgression turned
out to be an easy fix: We convinced him to substitute the more acceptable "darn
it." It didn't take long for him to start correcting adults who failed to use
this alternative.
Writer Jenifer Whitten
Woodring has two children and lives in Pennsylvania.
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