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Other developmental psychologists of the day such as
Jean Piaget, tended to concentrate on child and adolescent development, or late
adult development such as Elizabeth Kubler-Ross who is known for her work on
issues of death and dying.
Erikson discussed various stages of human
development in terms of opposing forces meant to be reconciled for the
successful transition to the next stage. Of interest to the issue of a guiding
principle, is the final stage of life Erikson talks about. The opposing forces
to be reconciled are conceived as “integrity versus despair”.
To understand, imagine you are old, very old, and on
your deathbed. From your deathbed you are taking stock of life. Imagine you have
a ledger, a balance sheet, and into it you are noting on one side, those things
about which you feel good. On the other side of the ledger you are noting those
things about which you feel bad. According to Erikson, if those things about
which you feel good outweigh the bad, then you die with integrity – a good
feeling about yourself and your life. If however the things about which you feel
bad, outweigh the good, then you are assumed to die in despair, feeling poorly
about yourself and life.
The goal of course, is to die with integrity.
Here’s the rub. By the time you are on your
deathbed, the ledger has already been written. It has been written by all the
behaviours and choices made throughout your life leading to the time of your
death. By the time you are on your deathbed, it is too late to undo mistakes of
the past. They are now taken to the grave.
This concept has profound implications for the
behaviours and choices we undertake today.
With every single decision, we are thus in the
position of asking ourselves, will this lead to integrity or will this lead to
despair? Will this decision or behaviour enhance my life and those of my loved
ones or will it detract? In the end, the real end, will this cause me to feel
good about myself?
The simple truth is we will all die. We mostly do
not know when or how, but we all know it is inevitable. According to Erikson, as
the time comes we will take stock.
As such and given reasonable health now, we are all
in the position of dying with integrity. Integrity in death will be achieved by
choices and behaviour we make now. Integrity in death may require correcting for
previous choices and behaviours to date. The point is, start now.
Different people will define integrity for
themselves differently. Generally speaking though, it will involve close
connections with friends and family. Our children’s presence and even the
presence of grandchildren and perhaps great grandchildren will be valued and
likely factor into the equation.
So with every behaviour, with every decision,
consider Erikson’s last stage of human development, “integrity versus despair”.
Chose wisely. Your successful transition to the afterlife just may depend upon
it.
Gary Direnfeld is a social
worker. Courts in Ontario, Canada, consider him an expert on child development,
parent-child relations, marital and family therapy, custody and access
recommendations, social work and an expert for the purpose of giving a critique
on a Section 112 (social work) report.
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